#4: My Sibling

Dear Jac & Jo,

actually i also have no idea what to say. haha.

i appreciate the times when the 3 of us go out tgt to shop, or go ktv tgt.

i'll always remember the times when we were younger!

when we went overseas.

especially the trip to Australia.

when mum and dad rented a car from some company called Budget somethingsomething.

hahahaha! and i remembered me memorising the telephone number. HAHA!

and how we'll rush into the car to see who reaches first.

and you guys were always talking about the soccer matches which was happening on that time.

hahahaha!

just wna thank you both. for always being there for me.

and for all treats i get from the both of you. hehe.

Love, J

#3: My Parents

Dear Mum,

I dont like it when you don't trust me.
I trust you by being honest with you; I don't like lying to you.
To be honest, I have almost never lied to you for a long tine already.
I tell you about who I hang out with, where I'm going, what I'm doing etc.
So I need you to trust me too.
I know you do. But it's not enough.
I need you to trust me that I'm sensible enough to do the right things.
I need you to trust me that I know I'm doing.

I don't like it when you say I'm addicted to clubbing because I'm not.
I obviously don't suffer withdrawal symptoms from it.
I just like to go.
Why? Because I like to lose control.
Why? Because I have to be in control when I'm conscious and it's tiring.

I go because I trust my friends who will take care of me.
I go because I can have fun with my friends.
I go because I'm young and I don't want to look back and regret when I'm old.
I go because youth is short-lived and I want to enjoy and spend every moment of it being young.
I go and i know what to expect.

I mean I've grown up; I'm 18 already.
Matured and responsible.
I'm no longer 8, when I would cry if I scrape my knee or when I fail my spelling test.
I'm 18. I face the consequences of the mistakes I make.
I deal with it, I make it through, and I learn from it.

I just want to say, I can't hide under your wings forever.
I will grow mine too and one day flap my wings and fly.
But don't worry. It doesn't mean I'm not going to not behave or rebel.
I'll still stick to my responsibilities and duties which i know is studying.
I'll still be your small little girl who can't go anywhere and even live without you.

But all i want you to do is Trust me.
I'm stronger and smarter already.
Because the world has taught me so.

I love you.

Love, J

Dear Dad,

well to be honest, i have no idea what to say.

Thanks forgiving me a great dad to me when i was little.

I will always remember you bringing me to the children's library opposite our house in Tampines.

And you'll cycle me to San Yi's house for Phonics lessons.

I can still remember the route you took.

Also, you fetching me from school everytime instead of mum because she would be cooking dinner.

I can also remember you always doing science experiments with me.

And you tutoring me for all my subjects.

I know i have to thank you for me doing well when i was young and being not stupid.

But there are those empty memories that i have as a child that i'll never forget.

At a very young age, i lost someone, well you could say, closest and dearest to me.

And it hurts. It hurts very much still. As im typing this, it's no doubt that im tearing.

But i know i just have to get this out one day.

I have been thinking and thinking about it everyday. But i never talk about it.

Not to anyone. Not Jac, not Jo, not Mum. maybe to only my closest friend, but no one else.

Now there's this..barrier(?) between us that i know wont go away.

It's like i cant fully trust anymore.

What i've always wanted to know and ask is why did you even leave in the first place?

I want to know the reason why.

I want to know how can you bear to leave your family and just go?

I want to know what really happened.

These are the questions i will never ask and will never get answers.

But yet i cant help but think of them.

Was it because i've never topped my class? Or was it because i wasn't well-behaved enough?

i mean, yes, we're had more freedom without you around because i remember you used to be very strict with us.

But it doesn't mean that i can do without a father.

I'd always love you and respect you.

But the questions would always remain un-asked and unanswered.

Love, J

#2: My Crush

Dear Mr Crush(for those of you who know, insert name here),

im still deciding if i like you or not.

well, a month ago i decided yes, i did.

but recently, i've decided to stop this *circles hand in the air* thing.

i mean, why should i hold on to this feeling when i dont think or feel that it's reciprocated.

at the end of the day, im the one who's gna feel the pain and get hurt. not you.

im done creating excuses for you and im done with it. done.

and if you do feel something, i mean, you would've already done something about it, right?

so i guess, this is it.

but this doesnt mean that im not feeling sad.

i mean, i thought this would've ended up as something different.

i thought it would've ended up as, well, at least something.

but no, it didnt.

so i have to accept it and there. we're just back to friends.

back to normal friends.

and i guess since i've said this, i've got to be strong and brave enough to complete the task.

the task of forgetting you.

and well honestly, i havent thought of you much when im too engrossed in something.

like playing Sims 3 or like wednesday when i went shopping.

im glad. because, it means that im not crazy over you or what.

yeah i guess that's about it.

maybe there's still much more i wna say, but this is it for now.

dont even know if you're reading this or not. but i've said my piece. :)

Love, J

#1: My Best Friend

well, i guess after last year. i now have 2 best friends - Tricia & Cleo

Dear T,

i love youuuuuuuuu! :)) we've been friends since i transferred over to SACPS!

which is..Primary 3 eoy! that makes us friends for 9 years(and still counting) already! :))

i remembered we used to be really closed in primary 3&4.

and then we started drifting apart when we were in different classes and we had our new group of friends and i changed CCA.

and sec 1/2 we were practically not talking anymore.

and sec 3! we ended up in 3/7! and so qiao we ended up sitting next to each other!

and in the end, the 7 of us - You, me, ran, sarah f, nat, lum, cleo - became Lianz!

at the beginning was..awkward. hahaha.

because even though we had been in the same CCA since sec 1, we werent really talking.

well but that awkward moment passed really quickly and we bonded again and became BFFs!

we were always there for each other.

i was always there to annoy you and cheer you up.

and you were there to listen to my rantings and helped me out.

i think we are the best partner in crime. hahaha.

you're the kind of friend i know wouldnt get mad at me even if i did something wrong.

you would get mad lah, but after awhile things will be okay! :))

what i missed most in my sec sch days are the days when i annoy the shit out of you.

by planting blu tack on your chair. HAHAHAHAHA!!

creating songs and annoying you like JUNGAR BELLS and the 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.

and causing depressions in your tummy.

and you drawing spiders on post its and sticking it on my book!

and us bitching about Mrs Lopez and her Settlements Skirts

and getting into trouble for our hair with Mdm Chan.

hahaha. i really really miss those times!

and the time when i was president for CO??

you really put up with my crap and helped me out a lot. like really, A LOT!

up till now, even though we dont meet as often as we wish, we're still really really close!

we still tell each other our problems and comfort each other.

we even complete each others' sentences.

it's like, you dont even have to tell me what you're upset about, and i know.

i really dont know what to do without you!

you better cry reading this, y'know? hehehe. i love you!

and take care okayyy!

dont let people bully you and take advantage of your generosity!!

YOU KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT. the person you got mad at. hahaha!

you know i'll always be here for you, just like you'll always be there for me!

PS. i still remember, you have my green pouch. HAHAHAHAHA!

Love, J

Dear Cleo Rachel Yeo,

CRY!! what really surprised me was that i managed to be best friends with you for just a few months!

i mean, we were friends for 9 years! but we were never exceptionally close!

like in sec 3&4, even though we were in the same clique, we didnt stick tgt!

instead, i was with T or R, and you were with Sam Lum!

until last year when you, me, sarah leong, alina & angelyn got admitted into TPJC.

and the both of us were in the same class.

that was when we got really close!

we were inseperable. even Jun Kai thought we were lesbians(?!?!)

hahaha. we always stood up for each other.

even when we were sick, we were very afraid that each other would be lonely in school.

and will mass message the rest of the guys to take care of each other.

we were really lameeeee! we had our Hot Dog Tuesdays tgt.

just the both of us. so we could catch up and have our girl-girl HTHT.

and we didnt know that actually, we had so much in common and we had many similar thinkings!

and i really really have to apologise to you for flaring up at you so often. :/

hahaha. im like really bad tempered and i always scolded you and shouted at you.

but you never got mad. not once.

we read each other's minds and what i really love about you is that you're really sensitive.

you thought about others before yourself. and you're also damn random, please!!

because you like to think of something and then suddenly blurt out stuff.

like you would say, "eh he very bad" or some sort.

and you expect me to understand who the hell you're talking about!! HAHA!

and you're always making me sing songs with you. hahaha.

and i still rmb that time we were sitting at the benches!

you were resting your head on the table and you were singing some song.

and you suddenly waved. HAHAHAHAHA!

i shall not embarrass you further by explaining what you were doing. LOL.

but you were definitely NOT waving to someone. HAHAHAHA!!!

also, the National Day Celebration 2009?

you freaking made me sing with you Home on stage infront of the entire J1 cohort. TYVM HUH!

but one thing which was our problem was that, the both of us are really stubborn.

hahahaha! but it doesnt matter! it didnt make us less-close!

i had so many more memories with you! too many to mention! :))

please please take good care of yourself and cheer up okay!

i know ever since i retained & left TPJC, you became quieter and isolated yourself.

but things have improved and at least you have Wing Yi now! :)))

please learn how to protect yourself and do what i cant do anymore!

i love you, PokPokKeh!

Love, Your LaoPokPok.

♥Be Strong

i received this msg from Alina yesterday!

apparently Sarah Leong wrote this entire message! :))

super sweet!! i received it in 2 broken messages.

so im just going to post it here for you guys! :)

okok so here it is:

You used to be an awesome person. Just knowing you was a privilege.

But somewhere along the line, you changed, you stopped being you.

You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good.

And when things got hard, you start looking for something to blame, like a big shadow.

Let me tell you something you already know.

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows.
It is a very mean and nasty place and i don't care how tough you are.

It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

You know, nobody is going to hit you as hard as life!

But it ain't about how hard you get hit.

It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!

How much you can take and keep moving forward!

That's how winning is done!

Now if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth.

But you're gonna be willing to take the hits!

And not point fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him or her or anybody!

Cowards do that and that ain't you!

You're better than that!

I'm always going to love you no matter what happens.

But you gotta start believing in yourself.

sweet right?! hehehe.

i think it's very very sweet! :)))

esp for people who are down and need some encouragement! :)

anyway! played Guess The Sketch with Christopher just now!

hahaha damn funny!

i took screenshot of 2 rounds!

here!

*i drew this! i had to draw a moat.

and i think i did a pretty neat job of it! hehe.

but Chris didnt managed to guess. -.- LOL.

*Chris drew this.

and i was like. BREAST. NIPPLES.

the answer is operation.

wth?!?!

haha. hmm nothing much!

anyway! gna go bugis with jolene queky this wednesday to do some shoppingggg!

but im broke..i guess im gna dig into my bank acct first before my pay comes!

then thursday i'll be going CDC to book my FTT! :))

i hope there are slots on weekends! :/

and im going to Night Safari with my Lianz on friday!

ahhhhs. i havent met them for a long long timeeee!

miss them like crazyyyy! :)) haha.

and at first i wanted to blog about the death of Mrs LKY thingy.

like, how it got me thinking and all.

but..oh well. no more "feel" already.

so..forget it!

im thinking of doing the 30 letters thingy! hehehe.

here it is:

WRITE A LETTER TO THESE PEOPLE :

Day 1 — Your Best Friend

Day 2 — Your Crush

Day 3 — Your parents

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Day 5 — Your dreams

Day 6 — A stranger

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to

Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to

Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain

Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you

Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from

Day 15 — The person you miss the most

Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country

Day 17 — Someone from your childhood

Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be

Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad

Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest

Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression

Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to

Day 23 — The last person you kissed

Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory

Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times

Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to

Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day

Day 28 — Someone that changed your life

Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to

Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

so i guess i shall start with Day 1: Your Best Friend
but im gna write it in another new post! hehehe.
if not this will be damn long!!