It's midnight on a Sunday, so I really should be sleeping, otherwise I'd be late for work tomorrow (again).
But since this conversation is preeeeetty fresh, and I haven't been blogging as frequent anymore, I thought you know, since there's something I'd like to say, I might as well do it. So here I am.
Many of my friends and acquaintances have been getting engaged and married, more commonly than I'd like, so this topic has been buzzing and going around.
Anyway, before I go further, I'd like to congratulate every single one of my friends for finally tying the knot/settling down/finding the right one. Even if I'm not close or we haven't talked since secondary school days etc, I'm sincerely glad that all of you found your happiness.
Okay, the reason why I'm saying this first and not leaving it till the end of this post is because I don't want you guys to think that I'm being sarcastic or half-hearted or jealous or whatsoever - simply because of what I'd say next: I don't think everyone is marriage material/I don't think everyone's life goal is, or should be, marriage.
To put things into perspective, I had a convo earlier on about how I don't have to get married.
The person I was talking to (out of respect, I shan't say whom), feels that everyone has to have a significant other or companion in their lives.
Honestly, I don't think so.
It's not so much that I don't believe in love, but that I don't think your existence should revolve around it.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm a skeptic - trust me, I cry more easily while watching RomCom movies than anyone else - but that it's not something you should force upon?
Like, if I were to get married, then okay, good for me. I'm not going to reject it.
But then, if I don't get married, okay, good for me too.
It's not as if I need a husband to be there with me when I die (not going to be easy too, considering how it's scientifically proven that females have longer lives than males).
I get how when you're old, you'll feel lonely and will want to spend your twilight years with someone you love.
I also understand how your siblings will have their own families, your parents will leave you one day, your friends will have their own lives too.
But the thing is, me being with someone isn't because I'm afraid of being lonely, or being alone, but because I love that person. I love hanging out with that person. I love being with that person.
If you're afraid of being lonely, then you should go get a pet?
I mean, I get that having a partner means that you're not going to be alone.
But that shouldn't be the basis of why you have one.
It should be because of love (see, I'm not a skeptic).
Besides, I just don't think that you should go around looking for someone to be the one.
Even though I personally love romance and love stories and fairytales, let's be realistic - your self-worth should not be based on what someone sees you, but what you see yourself.
I sound like I'm fucking confident or I'm a perfectly secured person, but I'm not.
But I do know that you have to, and should, love yourself first, before you give out any of that to someone else.
Maybe it's because I haven't reached a point when I really need someone, or when I feel really lonely? I honestly don't know. It could be that. Or maybe I'm just too egoistic and proud, that I love myself too much.
I also think that it could be that I'm a pretty pessimistic person - I usually see the bad in people, more than their good. Or maybe it's because before my current relationship, I've always been Miss Independent.
It's not that I've never been in a relationship, but my past relationships have never made me to need anyone. I just needed myself. Well, and my laptop and my books.
I'm not your typical social butterfly who has to be with someone anywhere they go.
I can shop by my own, walk around by my own, and *GASP* eat out by my own.
The only thing I haven't done was to catch a movie by my own. Because I actually enjoy talking during a movie (I'm usually able to guess what's coming next and I like telling people "SEE!" when it really happens. Heh).
I guess the fact that marriages - or relationships in fact - aren't even treated as something sacred, has really made me feel that it's more important to love yourself than to seek that love from someone else.
Soooooo many people are cheating on their partners that it makes me think that there are people who aren't capable of love.
They enjoy feeling loved because they either don't know how to love themselves, or they don't.
So they have to go find it from somewhere else.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that true love doesn't exist, or that people who feel the need to be in a relationship are weak - because they're not.
It's just that some people are better in one, while others aren't.
I know I'm straying away from the topic just a tad because I'm actually thinking of something else now, but please bear with me.
I think it's great that people feel happier being tied down, but I also think that it's perfectly fine for people who don't.
Saying something is good isn't saying something else is bad.
I'm not saying that I don't want to get married, or I hate getting married. I don't.
I just don't think it's a necessity. Like, if I do, I do. If I don't, I don't. It's not like I'm going to die if I don't.
In fact I think that it's a bit silly to get married just because everyone else is doing it, or because it's sort of a social norm?
Like guys who don't get married are called bachelors and all other men are impressed by that.
But girls? If we choose to not get married, it's because no one wants her, or that she was too choosy. And what? We get called a spinster? How sexist is that?
I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again - Marriage isn't for everyone, and the choice to get married should be respected and not questioned.
So you might be wondering if I would or not (if you're not then you can leave now, goodbye. >:( )
Honestly at this point in my life, I'd tell you honestly, I'm not ready for it.
I mean it sounds like fun (and a lot of trouble) to go through everything else that a lot of my friends are (BTO, ROM etc). But I'm not ready mentally, emotionally and financially.
In fact, when my married friends tell me that they're expecting, my first reaction was "WTF?!".
Because I'm still under the impression that babies aren't planned and it's still an 'accident'.
It's because I myself am not ready to have a kid, and I still feel that it's something for adults.
I know I'm 24, but it still doesn't feel like I'm one! I'm not mentally prepared for anything yet.
I just want to enjoy being 24 - young and 'burden-less' - and yes, I've categorised kids as burden more than once, and vocally in front of Z's parents. Lololol.
I can't even remember locking my house door, and now I have to be responsible for another person's life?! NOPE. Too soon.
I just feel that marriage is a milestone that some people may or may not reach in their lives.
If they do, then congratulations. If you don't, you don't have to feel left out or that something's wrong.
I think that it, and love, has to come naturally. Not everyone needs love to live. Neither do you only live to love.
I believe that there is forever love. But not everyone is lucky enough to have it.
I'm not going to go around seeking for love. If it comes to me, then it comes to me. I don't have to go search for it deliberately.
Because alone ≠ lonely.
But since this conversation is preeeeetty fresh, and I haven't been blogging as frequent anymore, I thought you know, since there's something I'd like to say, I might as well do it. So here I am.
Many of my friends and acquaintances have been getting engaged and married, more commonly than I'd like, so this topic has been buzzing and going around.
Anyway, before I go further, I'd like to congratulate every single one of my friends for finally tying the knot/settling down/finding the right one. Even if I'm not close or we haven't talked since secondary school days etc, I'm sincerely glad that all of you found your happiness.
Okay, the reason why I'm saying this first and not leaving it till the end of this post is because I don't want you guys to think that I'm being sarcastic or half-hearted or jealous or whatsoever - simply because of what I'd say next: I don't think everyone is marriage material/I don't think everyone's life goal is, or should be, marriage.
To put things into perspective, I had a convo earlier on about how I don't have to get married.
The person I was talking to (out of respect, I shan't say whom), feels that everyone has to have a significant other or companion in their lives.
Honestly, I don't think so.
It's not so much that I don't believe in love, but that I don't think your existence should revolve around it.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm a skeptic - trust me, I cry more easily while watching RomCom movies than anyone else - but that it's not something you should force upon?
Like, if I were to get married, then okay, good for me. I'm not going to reject it.
But then, if I don't get married, okay, good for me too.
It's not as if I need a husband to be there with me when I die (not going to be easy too, considering how it's scientifically proven that females have longer lives than males).
I get how when you're old, you'll feel lonely and will want to spend your twilight years with someone you love.
I also understand how your siblings will have their own families, your parents will leave you one day, your friends will have their own lives too.
But the thing is, me being with someone isn't because I'm afraid of being lonely, or being alone, but because I love that person. I love hanging out with that person. I love being with that person.
If you're afraid of being lonely, then you should go get a pet?
I mean, I get that having a partner means that you're not going to be alone.
But that shouldn't be the basis of why you have one.
It should be because of love (see, I'm not a skeptic).
Besides, I just don't think that you should go around looking for someone to be the one.
Even though I personally love romance and love stories and fairytales, let's be realistic - your self-worth should not be based on what someone sees you, but what you see yourself.
I sound like I'm fucking confident or I'm a perfectly secured person, but I'm not.
But I do know that you have to, and should, love yourself first, before you give out any of that to someone else.
Maybe it's because I haven't reached a point when I really need someone, or when I feel really lonely? I honestly don't know. It could be that. Or maybe I'm just too egoistic and proud, that I love myself too much.
I also think that it could be that I'm a pretty pessimistic person - I usually see the bad in people, more than their good. Or maybe it's because before my current relationship, I've always been Miss Independent.
It's not that I've never been in a relationship, but my past relationships have never made me to need anyone. I just needed myself. Well, and my laptop and my books.
I'm not your typical social butterfly who has to be with someone anywhere they go.
I can shop by my own, walk around by my own, and *GASP* eat out by my own.
The only thing I haven't done was to catch a movie by my own. Because I actually enjoy talking during a movie (I'm usually able to guess what's coming next and I like telling people "SEE!" when it really happens. Heh).
I guess the fact that marriages - or relationships in fact - aren't even treated as something sacred, has really made me feel that it's more important to love yourself than to seek that love from someone else.
Soooooo many people are cheating on their partners that it makes me think that there are people who aren't capable of love.
They enjoy feeling loved because they either don't know how to love themselves, or they don't.
So they have to go find it from somewhere else.
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that true love doesn't exist, or that people who feel the need to be in a relationship are weak - because they're not.
It's just that some people are better in one, while others aren't.
I know I'm straying away from the topic just a tad because I'm actually thinking of something else now, but please bear with me.
I think it's great that people feel happier being tied down, but I also think that it's perfectly fine for people who don't.
Saying something is good isn't saying something else is bad.
I'm not saying that I don't want to get married, or I hate getting married. I don't.
I just don't think it's a necessity. Like, if I do, I do. If I don't, I don't. It's not like I'm going to die if I don't.
In fact I think that it's a bit silly to get married just because everyone else is doing it, or because it's sort of a social norm?
Like guys who don't get married are called bachelors and all other men are impressed by that.
But girls? If we choose to not get married, it's because no one wants her, or that she was too choosy. And what? We get called a spinster? How sexist is that?
I've said it before, and I'm going to say it again - Marriage isn't for everyone, and the choice to get married should be respected and not questioned.
So you might be wondering if I would or not (if you're not then you can leave now, goodbye. >:( )
Honestly at this point in my life, I'd tell you honestly, I'm not ready for it.
I mean it sounds like fun (and a lot of trouble) to go through everything else that a lot of my friends are (BTO, ROM etc). But I'm not ready mentally, emotionally and financially.
In fact, when my married friends tell me that they're expecting, my first reaction was "WTF?!".
Because I'm still under the impression that babies aren't planned and it's still an 'accident'.
It's because I myself am not ready to have a kid, and I still feel that it's something for adults.
I know I'm 24, but it still doesn't feel like I'm one! I'm not mentally prepared for anything yet.
I just want to enjoy being 24 - young and 'burden-less' - and yes, I've categorised kids as burden more than once, and vocally in front of Z's parents. Lololol.
I can't even remember locking my house door, and now I have to be responsible for another person's life?! NOPE. Too soon.
I just feel that marriage is a milestone that some people may or may not reach in their lives.
If they do, then congratulations. If you don't, you don't have to feel left out or that something's wrong.
I think that it, and love, has to come naturally. Not everyone needs love to live. Neither do you only live to love.
I believe that there is forever love. But not everyone is lucky enough to have it.
I'm not going to go around seeking for love. If it comes to me, then it comes to me. I don't have to go search for it deliberately.
Because alone ≠ lonely.
There's no point in forcing something that's not meant to be, or avoiding something that's bound to be.
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