Friday, November 12, 2010

I guess I’ll just have to make more effort.

(i mean no resentment or anything towards anyone in this entire post. it’s just..how i feel..)

to be honest, i feel kinda uncomfortable with everyone working their asses off Sad smile

especially with everyone working tgt.

i mean, im happy that they all have each others’ company.

but it makes me feel..even more distant.

it’s like, i know lately i havent been hanging out with the gang.

because i’ve been saving up $$.

so i havent been staying back after school to go for lunch.

and, im not blaming anyone. it’s really my own problem this time.

and i feel really bad too. like, i havent been making the effort.

i know that you might say if i really want to make an effort, i can just tag along without eating.

but the thing is..it’s..not..easy.. :/

i mean, like today, i didnt have breakfast. and we had 4hrs lessons straight.

and then i was done for the day.

but i was starving but i didnt want to spend any $$.

so i could only rush home to have lunch.

i know dan was like trying to get me to go eat with them too.

like yesterday, they were planning to go Carls’ Jr.

and i know she wanted me to like, not exclude myself too.

today too. she asked me if i wanted to go for meesua with them too.

i really find it hard to reject. it’s not that i dont want.

but..i really cant.

 

and me having a different timing+date for my CDS isnt helping at all.

and it’s like..only me.. i mean, calyn has her CDS on other days too.

but most of the time after school, she doesnt really hang out with us much.

like after lecture, she would suddenly disappear.

so lately i feel very..distant..

 

and i know now like, everyone is gna be working at Kudeta together.

im not feeling bitter, jealous, or even angry at any of them.

but im just feeling uncomfortable because it’s like..i dont want it to be like..i dont really know how to put it in words..

but like, i dont want us to hang out one day and then hear them talk about something or someone from work that everyone knows about.

then i’ll be the one who feels very left out and weird..and maybe even awkward..

also i wont get to spend much time with them already.

i mean, yeah we’ll still see each other in school, go out for lunch tgt.

but it means no more outing as an entire gang already.

like, the last time we wanted to go to Jurong Swimming Pool.

it was like, almost everyone who couldnt make it had to work.

work is always the thing which foils our plan.

and now with everyone working..i really have no idea what’s gna happen now.

 

i can still remember when yonghan first started working, he was worried that he wont be able to spend much time with all of us because of his work.

but i guess now i am the one who has to worry about not spending time with the rest..

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